i noe tht its been a long time since i wrote anything here..e reason is because i tot wad i wanted to write here 4 e past weeks tht i did not write can be kept within me as i assume tht i can keep all e emotions in with out harmin myself...but i was seriously wrong..and i realised this 2dae..(i mean yest[17/12])..i need someplace where i can let everythin go and be relieved..and e onli place tht i can think of is here..

I tot tht life is made in a way tht when u gain somethin, u lose something in return..and i tot of this when i tot i gain someones trust and gd friendship and lose connection with e one i think of and worried for everyday..but i was seriously wrong..wad i made about life is all wrong..

Today[17/12] i juz seriously woke up.. and realised tht wad i tot i had gain..i dint have it at all in the first place..and wad i tot i lost hasnt has e solution to bring it bak..and when i tot i have happiness, i have e opposite instead..and thus..i am left with e one and onli thing tht i could hav..''LONELINESS!!!''..

i dun hav anyone to really talk to nw..hazel is in china and will onli b bak on the 25th..shangyu is oso gone..and as i said i lost connection with tht special someone 4 abt a week nw..so seriously loneliness as taken their place..and to tell u..e feelin really SUKS.. seriously!!..i REALLY hope things will turn out the way directly opposite of this..at most wad i really wan to to regain connection with tht person..thts e veri least tht i wish to have again..right nw i am feelin really down and i hav none left to write and say out..although i feel tht i still hav lots to throw out..my brain juz wont process them to words u can understand..so i hav to keep those within and i think tht this is e punishment tht i was meant to take 4 e mistakes which i did not noe tht i hav done..

if tht is so..i will willingly except them hopin tht at the end of it all..i will and hopefully regain the happiness tht i longed to hav..................

written @ 12:17 AM